There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
