Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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