made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have post one night stand depression
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