As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize