sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
