so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
