I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
