Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
