Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The feeling are messing with the penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
