So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
