I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize