And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
