in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize