Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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