It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
