i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
