You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
