i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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