is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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