The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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