Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
