is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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