That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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