u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
And then he peed in my hair
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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