O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't turn off my feet"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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