Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
