Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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