i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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