It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
