are you so shy because you have an std?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
