Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
