One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
