found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
