we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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