holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
