Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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