:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
