you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
