At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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