thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
