would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
