So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
