I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
