we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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