I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
