i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
