It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
