Someone shit on the floor
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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