everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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