You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
