Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
