Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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