so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
