i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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