How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
