just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
