Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
