Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
