So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize