after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
