Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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