I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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