It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
