I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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