I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
