Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
