You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
