i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
