I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
