So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
