my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
