apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
