I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
two words...techno handjob
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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