Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My dick has a subreddit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
