"it" just moved
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I wear drunk well.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
