If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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