nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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