I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize