you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
