I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
