apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
