D3 body, D1 cock
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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