I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
