Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
