I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so let's talk penis.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
