This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize