I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
