barbara walters just said penis...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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