It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
