based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
