Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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