plz talk dirty to me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
