This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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