It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
