i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
smell my finger.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need a beard to bite.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
