Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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