Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
