I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
