we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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