She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
