dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
