I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
