i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
