Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize